The Meaning of Change

The Meaning of Change

 

Change is healthy.

Change is necessary. Change must involve dying and being reborn. Change, by definition, means taking a new risk and being responsible for the consequences. However, as alluded to earlier, individual change never happens in a vacuum. When one member of a family risks doing anything substantially different, the entire family system must begin to adjust, ever so slightly, to accommodate that new change.

 

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The most natural reaction of any family system, how ever, is to try to maintain “status quo” at any cost! The family wil! almost always try, at an unconscious level, to pull the changing member back into his or her old be havior even though the support of the family is critical if that change is to remain for any length of time. A parallel phenomenon exists in the overnight reli gious conversion. Swept up in a powerful emotional tidal wave, these individuals, surrounded by enormous love and support, make a decision to change their way of living in favor of gaining more of this support from others. However, when they return home, their family and friends stiil see them as they were and treat them as they always have. Any positive change, because of the powerful pull of the family, becomes difficult to maintain.

 

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Part of the value of identifying these personal and family changes is that it allows us to better understand the impact which these changes have had upon the individual and the system of which he or she is a part. Losing weight, as an example, has far greater impact than those shed pounds. It means giving up an entire role, a place in the sun, if you will—a direct link to a special relationship to at least one member of the family, and usually several others.

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